Ain't That a Saw in the Head
by Ronin Karma
Summary: The Warners are next in Jigsaw's games but they make the situation more hilarious.


Mark Hoffman is planning his next victims. He checks the monitors and sees three people lying in a room being chained up. In the room the victims come to and they reveal to Yakko, Wakko and Dot. They stretched the arms and yawned.

"That was a great Tales from the Crypt episode. If only they didn't show Robert Pattinson's abs," Yakko complained.

"He can drain my fluids any day," said Dot in a loving way.

"Please don't mention drain! I got the bladder of a piglet!" Wakko groaned.

The Warners look around; all they could see are four brick walls. They find themselves chained to the ground.

"OOHHH, Bracelets!" Dot cooed. She looks at the brand name attached. "Jefferson Steelworks! I wanted 19 carat gold from Olsen!"

"Where are we?" asked Wakko.

"Looks like Dane Cook's basement," said Yakko.

Wakko points to the TV set. "Well, at least we got entertainment."

"I hope Mr. Rogers' Neighbourhood is on."

The TV switches on and Billy the Puppet appears on screen. Dot feels disappointed.

"Rats! It's Howdy Doody Time."

"Hello Warners," said Billy in a deep voice.

"Someone had a bad morning," joked Dot.

"I want to play a game."

"Games! We love games! How do we play?!" excited the Warners.

"You have made living hell for everybody around you, both good and bad. You rarely made living hell out of yourselves. You have been chained to the ground; in order to find the keys, you must find them deep inside of you. Better hurry, by the time this tape has ended, you have 2 minutes to find the keys and unlock the chains to escape. Would you be able to see the consequences you make on others, or would you rather be having pressure on your minds?"

The TV switches to a stopwatch. The hand starts to move.

"The key to escape is inside of us? Hope it's not guts." pondered Yakko.

"The only thing inside of me is last night's soda," said Wakko. He let out a huge burp and a small key flies out. It slides towards Dot and she picks it up.

"Thanks," said Dot "Where did you get it?"

"It came from my stomach," answered Wakko. "Now I know how a smelter feels."

Dot inserts the key into the hole and unlocks the shackles. "So that's what that puppet said about finding the keys deep inside of you."

"We have to find the other keys before timer hits zero," said Yakko pointing to the TV. The hands are passing the half-minute mark.

"Why don't you stick your hands in your guts and grab them?" suggested Wakko.

Both Yakko and Dot shrugged and reached into their mouths and draw out small keys. Yakko tosses his key to Wakko, takes the one from Dot's hands and the two free each other from the shackles. Dot spots some knives and other sharp instruments. "Those must be stuff use to get the keys, but not for us!"

"I wonder what happens when the timer runs out."

The hand reaches zero and TV switches off. Then a giant slate of rock falls on top off the chains near the Warners. They bounced back from the impact "Now I know what he meant by pressure on our minds," surprised Yakko. He sees a door disguised as part of a wall. Dot lowers her eyelids. "So unoriginal."

They enter the next room and see posters of numerous film logos. Yakko looks at them. "That guy has a way of decorating the place."

Wakko sees an "Alone in the Dark" film poster, takes it down and eats it. He feels his stomach growling, "I think I need to potty."

"There's a hole over there," said Dot pointing to a large hole in the ground. Wakko takes off his cap and draws out an out-house. He places over the hole, opens the door and walks in. Seconds later a flush is heard and Wakko walks out. "That feels good," relieved Wakko.

The TV switches on and Billy appears on screen. "You escape was very good, but can you help other escape?"

Lights turn on revealing a man and a woman tied to each other back to back.

"Hello nurse!" said the Warners.

They run towards them only to hit a glass window.

"You find that there's a bulletproof glass window," said Billy.

"You think?!" said the Warners.

"If you want to set them free, there's a keyboard riged with explosives. You have hit each note correctly from the musical notes supplied. But there's a catch, you have to hear from the captives inside the room. You can't hear them but you can read mouths. you what they say_: Music will set you free_."

The couple's yelling which note the should press. The Warners are at the keyboard figuring out what they're saying.

"Which do think we should press?" asked Wakko.

"I think I know," replied Yakko.

He presses random keys and the restrains holding the man and woman are released. They find a key and exited through the door and met the Warners.

"How did you end up here?" asked Yakko.

The man and woman took of their mask ravelling Slappy Squirrel and Brain.

"We were shooting a motion picture when a hooded figure captured us," replied Brain.

"Why are you disguised?" asked Dot.

"So we get paid more. Besides the film is being made by Paul Haggis," said Slappy. "Come on, let's find out who's responsible for this mess."

They enter the next room and see a maze with various traps including shotguns tied to tripwires, blades placed in numerous places, jars full of acid and electrified walls. The TV switches on and Billy appears on screen.

"Glad you could make it," he said. "This next test will determine if you have what it takes to survive. This maze will decide how your life-"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!" interrupted Slappy. She walks over to the TV and smashes it with her umbrella. "We know what must do, enter the maze and avoid the traps."

"That sounds simple," said a voice.

"Who said that?" asked Slappy.

"Me," Out comes Pinky from behind the TV.

"Pinky, what are you doing here?" asked Brain.

"I saw you being captured and followed you here. This warehouse has been rigged so I avoided the traps."

"OK, enough talk," cracked Slappy "Let's go. I don't want to miss the episode of Inside the Actor's Studio."

They enter the maze avoiding traps. Some set them off and dodged them. Blades popped out from every side, electricity sparked on the walls, shotguns were fired and acid is spilled all over. They made to the end of the maze and reached the door to the next room. They breathed a sigh of relieve.

"OK," smiled Yakko. "Behind this door leads to....."

They open the door and see an empty room with more traps this time they're all over the place.

"Ah, come on!" yelled Slappy. "There's another obstacle?!"

"There's a message," said Pinky pointing to the tape recorder with the words _PLAY ME_ on it. He presses the play button and hears John Kramer's voice.

"You have managed to reach the final task and managed to save victims. Now you must put your skills for the final part of the game."

"It appears that voice sounded familiar, and it isn't Orson Welles," thought Brain.

"I can't take much more of it," complained Wakko. He takes out an anvil and throws it. It activated all the traps leaving the room in a mess.

"Now that that's out of the way," said Slappy walking over to the mirror on the wall. "Let us out of this trash heap!" She smashes the mirror revealing Mark making another trap. "Hey you let us out of here and maybe give us a cash prize," said Yakko.

"You're supposed to be in cuts and broken bones," surprised Mark.

"And you're...My Man!" excited Dot.

Slappy grabs Dot by the skirt. "Hold it, Twiggy. This guy's needs justice."

She walks over to Mark stomping her feet. "Hey Mister, why did you bring us here? If it's some cheap reality show I'll crack a skull."

"I brought you here to teach you how to live a life."

"They only thing we want to learn is how to take over the world," said Brain. "Come on Pinky, let's go back to the lab."

"Sure thing Brain," responded Pinky. "I really bored of these games."

The two leave; Mark tries to stop them but the Warners jumped on him.

"Let's play again! Let's play again!" they shouted while on Mark's back.

Mark stands up straight making the Warners fall off.

"Now I know how Christopher Reeve feels," said Wakko.

"That's it," yelled Mark. "You're so gonna get it!"

Sounds of police sirens are heard, cop and SWAT teams come in pointing their guns at him.

"How did they find me?" asked Mark.

"While you were blabbing, I called the big guys and give them the location. You're more distracted than Tom Arnold," responded Slappy.

While Mark is being arrested, he glances at the Warners. "I don't get. You make people's lives miserable and you get away with it?"

"Of course we do, it's our routine. The writers get paid more than we do," replied Yakko.

"Makes me wish John Kramer was alive."

Mark gets arrested while the Warners and Slappy waved goodbye.

"So what do we do now?" asked Dot.

Slappy takes a lit bomb out of her purse. "I think this place needs a redecorating."

She throws the bomb and they evacuated before the warehouse exploded.

"That was louder than my burping," said Wakko.

"Yeah I'm out of here," grunted Slappy. "If I don't hurry up, I'm going to miss an episode of Good Times. That Dy-no-mite kid should win an emmy."

"I think we should head home. It's getting late," said Yakko.

Errickson walks over to them and says "Have you three seen Hoffman?"

Wakko takes out a wooden mallet and smashes Errickson like a pancake.

"I knew that will come in handy," smiled Wakko.

**IRIS OUT**


End file.
